Three Reasons to Stay Sober
by Aislin Oriel
Summary: ch.3 now up! Yeah, it is typical for our favorite Maxwell, to get a tad tipsy now and then. But the scary part is that he's not the worst when he's under the influence . . . not yaoi
1. Part 1

~ Three Reasons to Stay Sober ~ By Aislin Oriel  
  
Heero and Duo stumbled up the front steps of the Peacecraft estate. Duo almost stumbled into Pagan in his stupor. "Drunk again sir?" Pagan inquired as he held the doors open. "That's alright butler, we are too." Duo replied and him and Heero made their way into the mansion. "Don't let Miss Relena see you two like this," Pagan warned, calling after them. "Ah, she's no . . . problem . . ." Heero began his shaky tread up the grand staircase. Duo, on the other hand, decided to hang his hat on the hatrack. "Hey, this hatrack is kinda cute . . . don't you think so . . . what's you're name?" "Trowa." he reminded him and removed the hat that had been placed on his shoulder. Duo laughed despite of himself and inspite of the large quantity of booze he had consumed. "Um, yeah, so I didn't know you were a girl Trow . . . oh look, the ground's moving . . ." Duo began to fall over. Trowa stopped him before he could tip to a horizontal halt on the tile. "Could you, um, what wa-" "Trowa," "Could you, Trowa, uh help me gettover to my room?" Duo slurred, speech wavering. Trowa nodded and took Duo's right arm, leading him also up the grand staircase. "Heero?" Trowa wondered as to why he was standing mid-way up the staircase, staring over the edge. Certainly he didn't have any suicidal thoughts- "This is very . . . tedious . . ." Heero attempted to climb up one more stair, instead placing his foot back down and clutching the railing as he almost toppled over. "A tradgic turn of events . . ." he moaned and started climbing up on his knees, but not before rolling down three or four stairs. "Wow, my hat moved . . ." Duo marvelled. Trowa looked incrediously at the poor drunk who was wearing his hat, but pointing at the floor. "Alright, maybe you need some help." Trowa informed Heero who was still in the crawling process; he simply couldn't be going any slower if he was sitting there. "Re . . . diculous . . ." Heero mumbled, swerving and bumping into the side, causing the wood paneling to wave into a vibration that rocked the staircase. "Not at all," Trowa turned to Pagan, "Go get Relena. Tell her Heero needs some help." Nodding gravely, Pagan agreed and went off to retrieve her. ~*~ After succeeding in getting Duo half-settled in his quarters, he walked by the main hallway to see Relena with Heero sitting on the floor. "Again Heero?" she sighed disdainfully. Heero looked as if he was about to say something, but he closed his mouth. "You can't handle alcohol at all, so you definately shouldn't drink around Duo." she told him. Heero put his head in his hands. Trowa snorted humourously and walked away. He should have thought about the consiquences because last time Relena had really given it to him. Never being the violent sort, she had surprised them all with her lung capacity. The girl could yell. "I know . . . I know . . ." Heero repeatedly mumbled as he stared at the floor again to stop the room from spinning. Heero then realized something and pointed at her. "What?" "I forgot my cat." he looked at her wide-eyed. "Heero, you don't have a cat." she assured him. He thought about that for a moment before settling his hands in his lap. "Lena-ai . . . ?" Heero asked slowly. Relena was taken aback by what he'd called her, "Y-yes?" she asked. "I'm drunk. Go . . . men. I'm sorry." Relena chuckled and nodded, "It's alright Heero . . ." she touched his arm for a brief second before shyly taking her hand away. "Okay. Get me to . . ." he faded off, trying to remember the name. He finally just generalized it. "Get me to my gundam . . . I need to save the cat . . ." he explained. "Alright, come on," she helped him up, "You're going to bed." "But . . ." Relena tugged gently on his arm to lead him away, "Let's go." she urged. "What about my cat?" Relena sighed heavily and replied, "I'll take care of your cat sweety." Heero looked deeply relieved, "Would you? Thanks . . . Ari . . ." "Arigato, okay. Now off to bed." "But I don't want to sleep . . ." he mumbled before passing out in her arms. Catching him, Relena looked up to see Trowa standing before her. "I'll take his legs." Trowa told her. ~*~ After Relena and Trowa had Heero to bed safely, they both entered the main hall yet again. "Hey you three!" a voice chirped from behind them. Turning around, there stood Quatre, smelling heavilly of wine . . .  
  
To be continued . . .  
  
AN: Geeze, where's everybody getting this stuff? Did they all raid Treize's wine cellar or something? Hehehe . . . more is on it's way! And while you wait, have a cold one on the house! ~ Aislin 


	2. Part 2

~ A Sequel to Three Reasons to Stay Sober ~ By Aislin Oriel  
  
"Hey, so where's my cat?" Heero asked the following morning. He was trying to be funny. It didn't work unless he was trying to be the strange variety of funny. "You . . . you remember that?" "Sure, I always remember things that happen when I'm drunk." Heero explained. Relena just stared at him, "I don't know you." Heero looked slightly embarassed at the occurrance but hid it with a question, "What do you mean?" "I mean," she explained, "That if I were to get drunk, I wouldn't want to remember what happened because I don't think I could live with myself." "Even if it was something good?" Duo asked as he walked into the kitchen with enormous bags under his eyes. He strolled over to the counter and put on some coffee, then when he steadied himself, reached into the cupboard and removed some aspirin. "Right Duo." Relena sighed and shook her head. "No, I'm serious. Like what if you were under the influence and you and Heero were to, you know, you wouldn't want to remember that?" Duo asked as he sat down with his coffee and swallowed the pills. When he'd said that, Relena had turned an extreme shade of red, and Heero had practically choked on his coffee as he was about to swallow it. Unfortunately for Duo, he only just noticed the silence of his companions and was surprised that he wasn't issued a response. Of course, this was probably because of his hangover and lack of judgement. "How could you have possibly come up with something like that!?" Relena demanded furiously, trying to hide her shocked embarassment with a full-frontal verbal assult. "Oh, wait! I forgot who I'm talking to!" Heero had made no resulted action, but his left eye was ticking and both Relena and Duo failed to notice his readiness to 'splode. From where he was, the butcher's knife on the counter looked considerably welcoming. 'No, Duo's my friend, Duo's my friend . . .' "No." he said out loud, trying to contain his anger. "It's not going to happen." Relena responded to this with a strange twinge of hurt. She withdrew into her mind, feeling smaller and smaller. 'Of course,' she thought, 'It would be silly to think that we'd . . .' But it still was painful to hear. "What? Was it something I said?" Duo asked stupidly and took another slug of his drink. "You idiot. Relena? What's wrong?" Heero waved a hand in front of her face. "Wha-?" she asked in a daze, and blinked away the unfallen tears. "Sorry; it was just an innocent question." Duo explained. ~*~ "Ow, I have the worst headache!" Quatre complained as he came into the kitchen and saw the scene unfolding before him. "What's going on?" he asked curiously. Relena giggled for Quatre's sake, "Oh, we just found out that Heero remembers everything that goes on when he's drunk." "Oh, really? I wish I knew that. It might explain that tattoo I have . . . But anyway, is that what you were crying about?" he inquired, confusedly. "I wasn't crying!" she defended. Quatre looked at her seriously, giving her one of those 'Quatre- knows' looks. "I wasn't!" she further claimed. "Yeah, like geeze, I didn't think what I said was that sad! I actually thought you might like it . . ." Duo trailed off as Relena gave him one of those 'shut up' looks. "Do I really want to know what he said?" Quatre asked the other two. "No." Relena said harshly, almost hissing the word. "Okay. Well, good morning everyone!" Quatre sighed, trying to emphasis how exasperated he felt. Relena thought that now wasn't a good time to ask Heero about what he called her last night. '"Lena-ai", ha, yeah right. The ramblings of a drunken fool.' She got up to leave the room. Heero was still trying to placicate himself against the tempting knife, and Duo, well Duo was on the brink of o.d.ing on painkillers. 'Quatre can find his own.' he thought. "Where ya goinmf?" Duo asked, almost flinging pills out of his mouth in the process. "I need some air." Relena explained, and headed for the sliding doors in the dining room that was adjacent to the the kitchen. "Maybe Trowa has some aspirin." Quatre thought out loud and went off to find him. "Maybe I can go bug Wufei." Duo mimicked Quatre and pranced out of the room Quatrely to find him. ~*~ Heero got up from his chair and went after Relena. Sliding the door closed behind him, Heero asked, "What's wrong?" "Nothing." "That's not true. Duo's an idiot. You shouldn't take what he says seriously." he explained. "What about what you say, huh?" "Hn? Did I do something?" Heero asked, shocked. "Really, it doesn't matter that much." she dismissed and went to leave. "Is it about what I said?" "No! Why would it be!" she defended. She found herself having to do that a lot lately. He stood infront of her, "Because I really did mean what I called you." At this point, it registered in her mind, just exactly what he was talking about. "Oh, you mean-"  
  
To be continued . . .  
  
AN: Okay, I hope that I efficiently ruined Heero's good name . . . I tried my best. Hell - I don't think I really have ta try anymore . . . Just to add - those bags under Duo's eyes were paper, not plastic Jayde. Anyway, the next part'll be what all you 1/R-shippers have been waiting for. I had to hold myself back from writing in a nosebleed in this chapter! ^-^ You have been warned. ~Aislin 


	3. Part 3

~ A Sequel to A Sequel to Three Reasons to Stay Sober ~ By Aislin Oriel  
  
Heero nodded to confirm her suspicions. "Oh. Really?" she raised one sceptical eyebrow. "I know what you're thinking." "What then?" "You think I'm lying because I never show my affection towards you." "That's not true." she argued. "Yes it is. Sorry that you had to find out this way." Heero sighed. "What, how you feel about me?" "That and while I was-" "Lying?" "Drunk." he finished, slightly annoyed. "I'm joking. I believe you. But now that you mention it, why don't you ever show your affection towards me?" she quizzed. "Well . . . um . . ." Heero was surprisingly caught off guard by her comment. "I'll leave you to think about that Heero. See ya." she slid the door open and began her departure. However, before she could successfully escape, she felt his hand grip her arm and he swung her back around to face him. "Relena . . ." he whispered firmly, moving closer to her. She stared speechlessly, awaiting a further action. Heero moved closer still and looked about to kiss her when he instead whispered in her ear, "I can't show affection to you because then I'd come off as a creep like Duo." Heero said and released her from his grasp. Relena looked at him like he was the weirdest person in the universe. "That, love, was the worst excuse I've ever heard." "Oh really? How many have you heard?" "Hey stop being a smartass. You creep." she smiled, awaiting his reaction. "Sorry. I'm new to being a creep." Heero turned away to look out at the garden. "Heero." she called for his attention. "Yeah?" he asked absent-mindedly, not bothering to turn and look at her. "Why do you have to do this? Why won't you look at me?" And it was frankly driving her into annoyed oblivion. "I get to do what I want now." he answered simply. "Then so do I." Relena reasoned and pulled him to her in a forceful kiss. Heero drew back, "Who's being the creep now?" "I guess that's me." she admitted. Heero resumed the kiss he had broke away from. Relena's lips curved into a smile beneath his, and her shoulders started shaking as a result of her silent laughter. "What?" Heero asked, kind of muffled against her lips. This gave room for her soft laughter to leak out. Heero pulled back self-consiously, looking confused and slightly offended. "Sorry, it's just that I'm, well, nervous and that tickled." Relena explained, calming down from the chuckles. Her face gradually turned to a less rosy colour, save her cheeks. "The kiss?" Heero asked. "No, the kiss was - really nice - it was what you were doing." she corrected. "Oh, this?" Heero resumed tracing his hand up and down her back. "Yes . . ." Relena almost squeeked and started chuckling again, "That tickles . . ." "Well, then let's try something else . . ." Heero mused and ran his one hand up into her hair and cupped her chin with the other hand. "How about this?" Heero asked her, looking into her eyes so seriously that it was sweet. "This is good." she smiled at him. "No laughing?" "Why, are you uncomfortable with that?" Relena teased. "I am more comfortable without it." he admitted with a sincere scrunch of his nose. "We'll change that one day . . . maybe . . ." she trailed off and awaited the contact of a kiss. Instead she was rewarded with him hugging her and mumbling something undeniably uncharacteristic of him. It was something along the lines of, "Do you know how much I love you?" "No, but I don't want you to tell me," she smirked into his shoulder before adding, "All I know is that you love me and that's good enough." "Then you don't want to hear my speech?" he'd just made it up out of pure spontaneity and in his spur-of-the-moment opinion, it was pretty good. "Heero," she repremanded, "I'd appritiate it if you'd be quick to learn that a woman would like you to show her how much you really care about her. Words fall meaningless in comparison." "But you always get everything your way." Heero pointed out. "Now you're getting it." she congratulated. ~*~ "Hey Wufei, where were you earlier?" Duo questioned. He hadn't been able to find him, thus his quest had been incomplete. "Ug," Wufei snorted, as if remembering something he'd rather not of. And his following words reflected just that, "I saw Heero with the Minister on the patio and . . (mumble, mumble, mumble)." "Huh, what was that? They were talking?" Duo strained to hear. "No, they were (mumble, mumble, mumble)." "They were yelling? Fishing? They-" "KISSING you idiot! They were KISSING!" Wufei's hairline receeded another inch with each and every word. "Wo-o-ow, now you mean to tell me that YOU were WATCHING Heero and RELENA makeout on the patio? Geeze, I thought you didn't like that kinda stuff." Duo poked at Wufei. "I don't-" "HEY! Wait a minute there! Heero and Relena were makingout in broad daylight on the patio?!" Duo threw his hands up in surprise. "Of course they were you fool, it's not like they're vampires who can only come out at night." Wufei reasoned. "Well yeah, but hey! This is good news! I've gotta go find Quatre and Trowa and tell them what happened!" Duo said and almost ran off before asking, "Hey, do you know where they are?" "Not like I care, but I heard them saying something about going to a bar. And Heero was with them too." Wufei shrugged. "What!? They went without me!? I've gotta go catch up! C'ya Wufei!" Duo hollered and waved before skittering off out the door. "Some people just have no life . . ." Wufei sighed to himself and went back to polishing his rock collection.  
  
To be continued . . . ?  
  
AN: Yay! A new twist on old clichés and the classic lines. There's always a garden, (or a balcony, but this is humour - not hentai!). How bout it? Well, I think the sequel thing is getting a little over done so I dunno if I should continue or not. Drop me a line & tell me what I should do. Reviews are the highpoint of my day! ^-^ ~Aislin 


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